


Teddy Bear Kingdom

by AsagiStilinski



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Daddy Kink, Fluff, Humor, Inappropriate Singing, M/M, ish, older Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 18:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11469309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: Peter has learned how to deal with alot since he first met DeadpoolBut one thing Peter can't get used to- and utterly REFUSES to get used to- is this.... this....Whatever the hell this is





	Teddy Bear Kingdom

**Author's Note:**

> I had a dream about Spideypool and decided to write it... I've never written any Marvel charector before so please don't kill me

Peter has learned how to deal with alot since he first met Deadpool

He's learned how to deal with crude jokes

He's learned how to deal with an ever rising body count

He's even learned how to deal with Wade's _inappropriate behavior_ involving pink unicorns

(Unicorns have been ruined for Peter forever, he used to kind of like them when he was a kid, not so much these days though)

But one thing Peter can't get used to- and utterly REFUSES to get used to- is this.... this....

_Whatever the hell this is_

The thing is, Peter likes to sleep lightly

He prefers it most at one sheet and one blanket and that's enough for him

But Deadpool?

Deadpool sleeps like he's naked in a tundra

Peter has officially lost count of exactly how many blankets are on the bed at this point but it's sure as **_hell_** more than one

And that's not all either

Apparently Wade likes teddy bears

Not in the same way that he likes unicorns- thank God- but just in a .... weirdly.... normal way?

He likes to sleep with them

Wich is not, actually, accurate at all, given that somehow they're all laying on top of Peter wile his freaking _reptile_ of a boyfreind starfishes himself across half the bed- and hanging half OFF of the bed at this point too

Peter, in the mean time, is slowly sweltering to death underneath the two hundred pounds of bedding he was cursed with

Seriously, he felt like he wanted to peel off his skin and go sleep on the roof at this point

_In the middle of November_

But that's not even the worst part

The WORST part is by far the fact that Peter was kind of ... well.... _trapped_ beneath the mound of stuff

See, those who are superpower-inclined often end up developing a hair-trigger reflex to anything that even remotely sparks of danger, so when a car backfired outside, Peter's first instinct- naturally- was to bolt awake and jump into action

...

A bit easier said than done when you're weighed down by a ton of blankets and dozens of teddy bears

He jumped, panic rushing through him as he scrambled to get out of the uh... _nest_.... he had been buried under, tumbling to the floor as a result

He heard Wade snort as he too jerked awake, shuffling to peer lazily over the side of the bed where Peter now laid

"Websy? What're you doing down there?"

"Take a guess," Peter griped back

"New bug trick?"

"No,"

Wade seemed somewhat perplexed, dragging Peter back into the bed by his foot

"Bad lumbar?"

"No," Peter snapped a little harsher

"Awww do you need a lullaby to fall back to sleep?" Wade cooed, wrapping his arms (and legs) around the younger man and nuzzling into his neck

"Hush little Spidey, go back to sleep, unless you'd prefer Daddy to pound you real dee-"

"I can't do this anymore,"

There was a pause

A short, heavy pause, before Deadpool's brain seemed to catch up to Peter's words

"Wait what the _what!?_ You can't do _what_ anymore!? Are you.... are you BREAKING UP with me!? Because this fic doesn't warn for that! You can't break up with me in a fluff fic, that defeats the entire purpose! Do you even know what I'm saying to you!?"

"No, and honestly, I'd prefer to keep it that way," Peter sighed, wiggling out of Wade's hold and slowly sitting up, starting to feel rather guilty at the utterly heart-broken look on his boyfreind's face

"I'm not breaking up with you Wade... I'm talking about... this... this... MOUNTAIN I'm sleeping under! It's driving me crazy! I can't sleep anymore!"

Wade's shoulders sagged, the panic on his face flickering down to something closer to subdued realization

"So...... you don't like the nest?"

"Wah- .... nest?! Are you saying you did this to me on purpose?!" Peter huffed, eye starting to twitch

"Well.... yes and no and also maybe, it really depends on your perspective,"

"Wade, did you put this pile of crap on me intentionally?"

"I mean it wasn't entirely _un_ intentional, but it wasn't entirely intentional either,"

"Wade!"

"Would you buy 'it's complicated'?"

The look on Peter's face was a clear and resounding NO

Deadpool heaved a loud sigh, leaning back against the headboard and staring at the ceiling

"You were shivering," he said quietly, fingers tapping against the side of the bed

"A couple of months ago I broke into your apartment-"

"You _what?_ "

"-and you were just laying there in bed .... you know, _shivering_ , and I gave you another blanket but when I snuck in again a few nights later-"

"Seriously, why do you keep breaking into my apartment?"

"-you had it in the freaking closet!-"

"You looked in my closet?"

"-So I decided when you moved in to make sure you wouldn't shiver anymore because it doesn't take much to freeze a spider to death and honestly? Death is fun but I like you better alive, and also, I don't think Death would be very happy to meet my boyfreind considering how poorly we ended our relationship,"

Peter was quiet for a moment, staring at his boyfreind and finally exhaling

"So... you started this ... blanket mania, because I was cold? Why didn't you stop when I stopped shivering?"

"Well I was _going_ to, but then you started sweating in your sleep and turning all red and your clothes would get tangled and pushed around.... gotta admit, it's a turn-on, sweaty Spidey is sexy Spidey,"

Peter just groaned, rolling his eyes and shaking his head

"This HAS to stop, you realize that don't you?"

"Mmmm does it REALLY though?"

"YES!"

"Wow, touchy tonight aren't we? Maybe if we _both_ get a little touchy tonight that'll be cu-"

"Not so fast, you haven't explained the _teddy bear kingdom_ yet,"

Wade blinked, looking sincerely surprised and confused at this new peice of information

"Well, those are for you,"

"How are these for me? You've never even given me one,"

"Oh Peter, simple, trusting, tired little Peter, I _have_ given you one, I've given you _all_ of them,"

" _How_!?"

"Well, for our first week anniversary I bought you the first teddy bear, you know, as a gift, because that's what lovers do and I happen to be an _excellent_ lover, anyway I brought it home and lo and behold your bugging around tuckered you out and you were in bed asleep, so instead of waking you I just put it in bed with you,"

That...

Ok, somehow, that was actually kind of sweet....

"Alright, that explains the first one, what about the other two hundred?"

"Woah woah woah, there are NOT two hundred, THAT is an exaggeration," Wade insisted with a huff

Peter seemed utterly unimpressed

"Deadpool,"

"I... never thought we'd make it very long, not because of YOU, so don't get your misunderstanding trope in a bunch, but because... you know, this might strike you as a surprise, but I'm not the best relationship material, shocking as that is, and you're all.... GOOD.... and I'm all murdery, so I just thought you'd have gotten smart by now and dumped my sorry- but very round and bouncy- tushie, so I decided to get you a teddy bear for each week we've been together as a thank you gift for keeping me, and also as proof to all of the other goody-goodies you hang around with that we HAVE been dating for as long as I say we have, although they still don't seem to believe me, it's almost as if they think I'm a chronic liar or something,"

That story, as ... weird.... as it was, kind of broke Peter's heart a little bit

He knew Wade was insecure but he had never really thought he'd put so much into something so simple....

"Wade.... we've been dating for _six months_ ,"

"I know,"

"Don't you think it's time to stop?"

"What, are you kidding? No way! This is our tradition! Some couples save movie stubs, some couples keep circled dates on the calendar, some couples take eachother's hair in case the other one dies so they can make clones-"

"Wait what?"

"-We have teddy bears!"

"We have too MANY teddy bears,"

"Oh c'mon, pleaaaaassseee let me keep buying them? Please? Please? _Please?????_ I know you can't resist the puppy face,"

Peter utterly detests the fact that he's right

"I men, I think it'd be pretty cool to have a huge room full of teddy bears to show our kids someday, much better than movie stubs or cloned DNA,"

"Our.... kids?"

There was a pause, silent, hesitant, before Deadpool spoke again

"Well I mean.... yeah, you know, if that's something you want..."

"I just never thought you'd thought about it,"

"Believe it or not I DO think about things that don't involve food, sex, or murder,"

Peter almost wanted to argue, but he was tired and he felt like arguing against something he wanted was a little like kicking a unicorn in the nuts

Not a good idea no matter how good your reasoning might sound at the time

"Ok," he finally decided

"Really!?"

"Yes, but stop putting them on top of me, you said you want them in a room? Put them in a room, build the shelves tommorrow," he insisted, finally laying back down and sighing as he started kicking some of the bears off of the bed

_Ugh....._

_**Six. Months. Worth.** _

"Yay! Oh but you will still sleep with the new one I buy you every week right?"

"What? Why?"

"I have a Daddy kink and this is perfect exploitation of it, I thought you knew that,"

"Wade, go to sleep before I change my mind,"

He took the silence and shuffling of the sheets beside him as a win- (In retrospect, he really shouldn't have)- as he twisted and turned a little, kicking a few blankets and somehow even more teddy bears off of the bed and slipping one leg on top of the blankety cocoon in some desperate attempt to not sweat to death once he fell back asleep

In retrospect, that was also a bad idea

"Wade, why the hell are you just laying there staring at me?"

He didn't even need spidey senses to feel his boyfreind's stare boring a hole in his back

"Peter, do you realize that after our naked tango you put on _my_ underwear?"

So that's why they felt so baggy on him...

The difference wasn't that obvious at first glance but Peter's hips were significantly more narrow than Wade's

(And he hadn't been exaggerating about the bubble butt either)

"No, why?" he mumbled into his pillow, his eyes starting to droop as he felt sleep finally nearing his mind again

"Mm, nothing, I just never noticed how scandalously sexy bald eagles look when printed across the glorious globes of your glutes,"

Peter's eyes creaked open, staring at the wall and mentally preparing himself for the fact that he wouldn't be sleeping any time soon

"You want to have sex don't you?"

"Yes very much please,"

Peter heaved a sigh, slowly sitting up and trying to restrain a smirk

He was supposed to be teaching Deadpool how to be a more decent member of society and the guy had just used _manners_ of all things, that should probably be rewarded right?

"Well.... since you said please,"

"Yay!"

"Not on top of the teddy bears,"

"Awwww...."


End file.
